When is rest?

Tired. One word that describes me best now. I'm 7 days to leaving. I don't have all my equipment yet, I'm not done with the work that I'm supposed to finish. Well, work can never be finished anyway.

It's just so over-whelming these last few days. My comfort comes from one song. Maybe it's the tune, maybe it's the lyrics.


Love Song for #1 by Corrine May

In the twinkling stars that dance like fireflies
In the blushing fruit that hangs upon the vine
In the face of a baby as he forms his first smile
I see you

In the whisper of the wind's soft lullaby
In the laughter and the roar of the rushing tide
In the song of the sparrow as he takes his first flight
I hear you

Why do you hide among the nameless and the forgotten
Why do you walk along these long forsaken roads?
Calling to me in the hungry and the homeless
Calling me to water your thirst

So I'll give you my heart and my song
In a world where so much is right but so much is wrong
Your love is my beginning and I know it won't be too long
Till I see you

Why do you hide among the nameless and the forgotten
Why do you walk along these long forsaken roads?
Calling to me in the hungry and the homeless
Calling me to water your thirst

So I'll give you my heart and my song
In a world where so much is right but so much is wrong
Your love is my beginning and I know it won't be too long
Till I see you
I hear you
I love you

Angst!

Pissing mad! Yes, so angry that I don't know how to put it in words. Am I asking for too much? What defines trust? Does age correlates to it? All I can say is that you have been living in a too protected environment. When you ask me to understand what you're in now, can you also understand what you have asked for yourselves to be in, please? I didn't force you or put you on this trip.

Tired

I'm tired, feels like a burnout from training and work.

I need Him, His graces. I know I need to make an effort to get back what's lost between us. This situation is not new to me. Divine intervention, please!

Progress

Had 4 jabs today. Arms feeling so sore and aching now. Did my ECG test as well. Result was 'Normal' :) The only concern is about my BP - higher than my usual reading. I told Dr Lim probably because when I'm sick, I'm less stressed ... haha... :P

It's progress again for EBC.

He has the answers...

"Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock."

"Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing."

"Life is wonderful if you know how to live."

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I'm counting down to the days to leave for EBC. Just came back from some equipment shopping. I'm thankful that I am on a trip with an experienced guide despite his unwillingness to go because of snobbish attitude students.

More trainings to go. And yes, while I'm questioning their fitness, they are also doubting my experience in this trek. So be it. Actions will tell. Anyway, don't let your egos over-rule your mind. Bruises can happen anytime.

Grrhhh....

What's most destestable about a man? EGO!!! So big that sometimes I just feel like squashing them in their face!

How often do we tell children not to be petty but we adults do the same? And childish acts. Can't stand it.

What defines teamwork?

1) I say, you do - that's how our brains and hands work together.
2) I think and you make your views yours - I'm helping you to convey your message.
3) we think and do together

What's your answer?

It's been a year

It's been a year. It seemed like only yesterday that I was chasing the clubs for their Open House plans. After some checking on the booths set-ups and meeting the guests I'm supposed to host, the stop after all the meet-ups and walkarounds suddenly dawned upon me that I've been in NP for more than a year.

A year ago, I started work with all the enthusiasm and apprehensions [I'm still enthusiastic about my work anyway :)]. I plunged in to Open House and started to work with groups that some eventually fell on laps. Stepping onto the Admin Field with the 3 same adventure clubs there, the feeling is simply different. It was more of supervisory role, less talk last year. This year still a little supervisory but it was conversations and teases.

I'm blessed. Truly blessed. The 2 adventure clubs with me underwent all the pressure and uncertainty and this coming Saturday will mark a new chapter, a new name, a new logo, a new purpose. Come next Saturday, a new beginning for another. Have we evolved? I hope so, really. Sometimes, I ask myself if all the efforts are worth it. Students being students will just want their way through. They didn't have much of a choice to change. Their dreams and aspirations and not forgetting new KPIs. Let's pray that the change are for a better and not worse. God, give me the graces to sustain through.

A friend once told me that I should let go more and let the students take charge. Hah!! What is missing between me and the students? Trust? Yeah, not fully but partly... and I'm not alone. After all that has happened the last 2 months, it's proven that this cannot be done when they try and matters into their own hands and think that they are right. Ya, try handle a club with traditions, how arrogant and stubborn those people can be. The last that I would like to hear from the people around me are judgemental statements they pass about my work. If you know what I mean.

It's been non-stop since school started. All's slowing down soon nearing to CNY but not for me. Well, at least a little bit more space to breathe. Sometimes I really wonder why some people can just get off so easily? Maybe I'm just being too nice at work.