New Year's Eve

It's New Year's eve again! Like many would say, 'so fast!'.

I took a quick look at the no. of entries this blog for the past year and realised I really didn't write much here this year. It isn't because I have nothing to write or my life has been less exciting. Maybe I've become more tired from work and only post what intrigues me very much. Nevertheless, the tradition of putting in this entry has not been forgotten and forsaken.

2011 has been quite a year for me. From celebrations to surprises to life threatening accident. I think if you name it, I have it, almost all. The last quarter of the year was definitely the highlight of the year. Lots of roller coaster emotions and uncertainties. So much to think about and decide about my future. The last week of my break has been really good. Hearing and talking to different people on all perspectives.

Well, may the worst I ever had end here now. With God's grace, I have sailed through the storms and looking forward to more good wind in my favour.

Award

This morning, I received from my Principal a Special Commendation Award for my act of sacrifice. This was done in front of all the Directors. I felt awkward and wasn't very keen of receiving the award in front of so many "big shots" but I didn't want to put my boss in a spot as well. I am only an ordinary officer doing my job.

However, deep in in me undeniably felt so happy about receiving it. I was eager to share this happy moment with my colleagues. Those who were close to me, of course. And like a little child who won a prize in school, I couldn't wait to show my parents what I have been given. When I got home, I passed to my dad the trophy box, he smiled so wide. I could see how happy and proud he was at that moment.

But more than anything, I am grateful and thankful that I am alive after so many stings.

An Unforgettable Experience

It's been a week since my incident of getting stung by bees. Most of my swells have subsided by now but it is still very itchy. This whole week of MC really didn't do much. Eat, sleep, scratch, check emails, watch tv... not too bad a life huh?

Everything just happened too fast and too sudden. Recalling back, I can't believe the incident lasted for almost 2 periods of lesson. I'll never be able to forget the feeling of bees crawling on me, buzzing around my ears (and 1 hiding in it) and stinging me. And I'll never discount the fact how God was with me throughout the whole ordeal.

The moment when I fell and with more bees coming towards me, I knew for sure if I do not pick myself up from there, I might have died on the spot. It was His Spirit who lifted me up and gave me the courage to bear all the pain, gave me the wisdom to find the solution to stop the attacks. I am totally grateful! Very very grateful.

I've never thought that my little act of kindess to help one hysterical student ends up me being called a heroine now. And getting all the attention from media and people in school whom I don't know or hardly know. It may seem the silly to some people or even retribution to those who do not like me, but I know for sure I am certainly living with a better conscience knowing I did what I had to do.

And one thing for sure, I made my parents really proud of me though they didn't say it. Not just them but also my extended family and friends who knew about it. And I am very thankful too for their love and care over me this period. I can't asked for more. I am truly blessed. Thank you Lord!

Reflecting the Past, Appreciating the Present

Today is Teachers' Day, the ministry has changed the celebration to every 1st Friday of September so just in case you think I've mistaken, just to clarify this point.

I'm sure many of us have been taught by numerous teachers in our academic years from Kindergarten to University. Some of them made impacts in our lives, some are just so easily forgotten.

I managed to re-connect with one of the best teachers I ever had in my Secondary School on FB about 2 years ago. I had the privileged of being taught by her for 2 years and guided under her in a school pastoral care and counselling programme later. She is often deemed as a nice and friendly teacher but also one who is firm and corrects what is wrong. I don't think many teachers past and now does that very well.

Yesterday on FB there were many teachers' day greetings. After almost 20 years from post secondary, so many of us decided to greet her 'Happy Teachers' Day'. One of her reply to us was (not in exact words) 'I am glad to see so many of you doing well now'. I had a quick thought through who my secondary school mates were and what they are doing now. Yes indeed. Many of us are really doing well. Doing well doesn't mean you have to be big wig but someone who is good in your career or family or even health.

As an educator now, I tried to relate what I do for my students vs what my teacher did for us in the past. Though my career may seemed to look good, I thought through thoroughly if I had ever made such a positive impact on my students in the past few years. The challenges and struggles in managing youths these days is probably different from my time. I guess I have, can't be completely don't have.

Some school mates shared about their various experiences with the "Famous" teachers, well known for many reasons, good and bad. Perhaps in many years to come, I could be on one of the top charts as well.

While having dinner colleagues last night, we shared on the topic of how much a terror we can be but also be able to play with those whom we worked very closely with. I am comforted to know that there are minds in the office that thinks alike. And I hope that in the years to come, if I am still in this job, I will do even better not just in my career but also creating greater postive impact on my students.

I am thankful for you who have made this impact in my life. The seeds were planted many years ago and it is sowing now. I hope I have planted the right seeds too. Happy Teachers' Day!

Grateful

Just got back from Australia, travelling to some familiar places I've been to. This trip was meant to be a chill and relax one for me, or so I thought. Trying out with new travel mates was truly an unforgettable experience. One thing that I have learnt is being grateful for the firm teachings from my father when I was growing up.

I used to dread and think why my father is so strict with my brother and I. When I was a teenager he would often reprimand or correct us on how we behave, speak and being responsible to others. Though they were tough times I am appreciative of what he wants of me now. I can proudly say I have not let him down. It is true that only family members can tolerate and allow your weaknesses at home. It is them who rather you falter at home than at outside. It would have been really embarrasing when outsiders tell you how bad your etiquettes are, fortunately I do not need to be told.

I also spent my 34th birthday in the land of down under this year. It was the coldest day on the trip and nursing a bad cold at the same time. I felt loved by the many at home. My FB wall was filled with so many greetings from so many family and friends. While I could not reply each and every of them then, I could still feel their warmth even now after so many days. When I visited a friend and her family I had a delicious cake for celebration even though it is many days after my birthday. Thank you, you know who you are.

I am grateful for the blessings these years. Thank you Father in heaven, for always looking out for me.

Challenging Times

I'm not a Saint, neither do I have a good temper. Friends of long time would know that I hold no bars in lashing out what I think is correct. Today, barely into an hour of work, I received a nasty call from this parent whose kid is not even our student and started to blast his unhappiness at me without an opportunity to defend myself. I won't divulge much here because the thought of this whole incident really makes my blood boil. In short, something happen and he thinks my students intentionally caused it.

I felt worked up at first but somehow found strength to keep myself calm. And I even tried to calm the other party down. Unusual huh? There were many things what this father said to me had so much loopholes and if I didn't really care I would have gone on exposing his statements, but I didn't.

I know who was there to help me but at the same time find it so hard to swallow this bitter pill. Why must difficult times happen when I am trying so hard to restore my relationship with God? Yes, it's nothing new. Perhaps you have also experienced the same many times. And then some self-consolation thought came to me that maybe God has some hidden intention for me. A friend left me a message on FB to ask me to treat this as a form of test. If this is a test to sharpen whatever I need, then I really hope to see the silver lining behind these dark clouds soon.

On the other hand, I kept asking myself the whole of today if being an educator is really worth it? Parents can call anytime and scold us and name-call us (I had it today). This is not the first and probably won't be the last too. Isn't educators human too? Do we deserve this treatment just because you think you paid your share of our salary? As Singaporeans becomes more educated, I wonder if we are abusing our wisdom to only achieve what we want.

In Memory...

Today marks the 10th anniversary of a dear friend who passed away due to a freak accident. How time has passed, 10 years it has been. Each year this time, many people remembers her passing. She is a great colleague, a confidante, a person who fully explains the term friend.

A few nights before she passed away, she was still sms-ing me asking for a meet up. Yes, we met indeed but was at her wake. I'll never forget her signature smile and how she genuinely treats everyone. A few weeks after her death, I dreamt that she came back to bid farewell and thanked us (for whatever the reason). I went forward to try to hug her but she could not give it back. I know then it was a sign that we all had to let her go, not in my dream but in reality. Maybe it was the sub-conscious mind that was helping me, maybe it was a message from the angels.

My friend, you will always be remembered, no matter how many more 10 years is to come. Your attitude to life and friends will always be an inspiration for me. Till someday we meet again...

Trying to learn positively

It's been almost 2 crashing months since term re-started. Projects after projects, I am feeling a bad burned out from work. well, it isn't just me, some colleagues too.

I had a quick chat with one of them today and I can't help but feel so helpless to the person. This is one good colleague that has helped me through each time I needed an extra hand, one of the few whom I can always trust and seek different perspectives with comfortably. I shared with him how this whole week some of us were frantically fire fighting and trouble shooting and a news that I'm still trying to come to term with. I kinda regretted sharing with him as it affected him so much after he heard it.

I learnt a great lesson this week. I'm not sure how many of you has a good parity system for appraisals. I thought my organisation has. I am wrong, so wrong. I am given (or so I hear from my immediate superior) a very good grading for last year. I'm not surprised and in fact, I can tell you honestly I was hoping for a promotion. A promotion would mean increase in grade and the moolah. Unfortunately, the senior management thinks that I am too young and therefore they think that I should not get my promotion this year as there are people who are probably much older than me and at the same grade and they should get theirs first. I was dumbfounded by this statement. I started to question myself if this is an organisation I should continue with. I started doubting every bit of what was said during my appraisal. I thought promotion is by the merit of my effort, apparently not in my case. I lost all interest in work, a whole pile of it awaiting for me, I lost the drive for them all.

The biggest lesson learnt here, if I should become somebody's reporting officer one day, I need to do better than what my bosses are doing now. I need to be brave and speak up for my subordinates and fight for their best interest. I need to recognise the effort these people put in regardless of their age.

Maybe I am really not ready for the next jump. And to take this whole matter positively, a lesson which I hope I do not do unto someone else, one day.