Trying to learn positively

It's been almost 2 crashing months since term re-started. Projects after projects, I am feeling a bad burned out from work. well, it isn't just me, some colleagues too.

I had a quick chat with one of them today and I can't help but feel so helpless to the person. This is one good colleague that has helped me through each time I needed an extra hand, one of the few whom I can always trust and seek different perspectives with comfortably. I shared with him how this whole week some of us were frantically fire fighting and trouble shooting and a news that I'm still trying to come to term with. I kinda regretted sharing with him as it affected him so much after he heard it.

I learnt a great lesson this week. I'm not sure how many of you has a good parity system for appraisals. I thought my organisation has. I am wrong, so wrong. I am given (or so I hear from my immediate superior) a very good grading for last year. I'm not surprised and in fact, I can tell you honestly I was hoping for a promotion. A promotion would mean increase in grade and the moolah. Unfortunately, the senior management thinks that I am too young and therefore they think that I should not get my promotion this year as there are people who are probably much older than me and at the same grade and they should get theirs first. I was dumbfounded by this statement. I started to question myself if this is an organisation I should continue with. I started doubting every bit of what was said during my appraisal. I thought promotion is by the merit of my effort, apparently not in my case. I lost all interest in work, a whole pile of it awaiting for me, I lost the drive for them all.

The biggest lesson learnt here, if I should become somebody's reporting officer one day, I need to do better than what my bosses are doing now. I need to be brave and speak up for my subordinates and fight for their best interest. I need to recognise the effort these people put in regardless of their age.

Maybe I am really not ready for the next jump. And to take this whole matter positively, a lesson which I hope I do not do unto someone else, one day.