It's been a week since my paternal grandma passed away. It would probably take a long time before I would forget how I received the news or maybe I would never forget. I still recall how I received my paternal grandfather's news 6 years plus ago.
Her last day in this world came too sudden and too unexpected. Perhaps we should have heeded the signs and symptoms, perhaps I should have spent more time really understanding her health condition, perhaps, perhaps and many more perhaps.
People always say that we need to appreciate the loved ones round us, tell them how much we love them and not wait till the time comes and regret not doing so. I wouldn't say I have regrets in this area. I'm glad that in her more coherent years, I did as much as I could as a grand daughter to show my filial piety towards her love for me through these years.
My aunt wanted some of the grandchildren to share about the grandma we know. And out of all of them, probably only 4 of us have the strongest inkling what grandma was like. The rest of them only had vague memories or relationship with her. Grandma has 8 grandchildren in all. those who were overseas were back timely and coincidently for her funeral. I felt really privileged to have solid memories of grandma, the relationship I had with her in her living years.
While I thought I knew how hard she went through in her early days, our family found out more hard truths on the eve before she was cremated. We were shocked to learnt that grandma was tougher than expected and also certainly as fragile as a women could be in her darkest days. Of course on the lighter side of things, we also learnt how she "smoked" my grandfather in believing she would be educated enough to be literate until the day that both of them had to sign on the dotted line. Grandma didn't even know how to write her name and only put a 'X' on where she was suppose to sign. That pissed grandpa off but it was too late. Haha, how interesting and hilarious it was.
Grandma's passing also somewhat brought the whole extended family closer in some ways. We haven't had such good family support for a long time. No bickering, no arguments, all just compromises in the name of love for grandma. Uncles, aunts, cousins and my brother coming together to do vigil.
We all believe that grandma is in the best place anyone could go to after death. She is re-united with grandpa and is relieved from all pain, agony and frustrations. Till we meet again gramps, you will both be missed dearly!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Monday, December 31, 2012
Another Year
In less than 2 hours, 2012 will come to an end. Like previous years, on this day I will take stock of how I fared and the count my blessings for the year!
It's been a really challenging year, pushing my limits over and over, time and again. I have definitely learnt new things and appreciated matters in new perspectives. 2012 has rekindled my want for learning and personal development. It isn't just about going for courses but realising that I need to practice what I believe and pursue it passionately.
2013's first half of the year is almost fully packed on my schedule. Come what may! By the grace of God I know I won't be journeying alone. And there is no need for a long list of new year resolutions. Take life as it comes and you will probably achieve far more than what you have set with an open mind.
To a fantabulous new year!
It's been a really challenging year, pushing my limits over and over, time and again. I have definitely learnt new things and appreciated matters in new perspectives. 2012 has rekindled my want for learning and personal development. It isn't just about going for courses but realising that I need to practice what I believe and pursue it passionately.
2013's first half of the year is almost fully packed on my schedule. Come what may! By the grace of God I know I won't be journeying alone. And there is no need for a long list of new year resolutions. Take life as it comes and you will probably achieve far more than what you have set with an open mind.
To a fantabulous new year!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Mind Boggling
It's been a while that I had some mind boggling thoughts. I've been questioning myself lately why am still in my job? Especially when times with work was really challenging. And then each time I would think of the great experiences I create with the students, my heart would soften and say I'll stay for the students.
It's really not the best times to have these thoughts and after going through a 7 days course about being a manager.
The day before I left for my service learning trip with school, a colleague urgently send me a message and I thought it was some life and death. She gave me a huge positive stroke and encouragement to keep me motivated. I was very touched buy her gestures and it was also those words that she wrote that brought tears to my eyes.
And then I know of someone who seems to be stirring emotions among my workmates that I feel dislodged at times. It's not that I didn't try but perhaps their idealism is really different from mine. I have this feeling that it is time, now. But at the same time, the pull factor on student development is also so strong. This tug of war puts me such a dilemma. These three weeks of leave, I hope, will help me sort out my thoughts.
It's really not the best times to have these thoughts and after going through a 7 days course about being a manager.
The day before I left for my service learning trip with school, a colleague urgently send me a message and I thought it was some life and death. She gave me a huge positive stroke and encouragement to keep me motivated. I was very touched buy her gestures and it was also those words that she wrote that brought tears to my eyes.
And then I know of someone who seems to be stirring emotions among my workmates that I feel dislodged at times. It's not that I didn't try but perhaps their idealism is really different from mine. I have this feeling that it is time, now. But at the same time, the pull factor on student development is also so strong. This tug of war puts me such a dilemma. These three weeks of leave, I hope, will help me sort out my thoughts.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
It's Not The End but a New Chapter
Tonight, we wrapped up the service learning trip that i went with my students recently. Since we first formed the team 2.5 months ago, I had no expecatations and didn't know how the team may turn out to be. I had a lot of apprehensions about the trip and even how it might end up as. But, over these 2 months, I must say that outcome wasn't what I expected. The impact of the trip had actually bonded 20 strangers together. I am touched by their enthusiasm to support each other through the recent competitions.
What may seem like the end of their service learning experience is now a new beginning where friendships were forged in those 14 days. Where leadership starts from each an every one of them in their own ways. It will be a new journey for all of them from now on with the experience they have received.
All the best to the 20 of you! I look forward to the day to see you all bloom!
What may seem like the end of their service learning experience is now a new beginning where friendships were forged in those 14 days. Where leadership starts from each an every one of them in their own ways. It will be a new journey for all of them from now on with the experience they have received.
All the best to the 20 of you! I look forward to the day to see you all bloom!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Rash Rash
It's been a few days since I got back from my recent school trip. It was good because the trip opened my eyes to see many things beyond my own perspectives. This time, we traveled to the mountains where the Hmong Tribe people stayed. Holey moley! It was a good 1 hr off-road experience which at some point of time I had wanted to throw up. My admiration to the villagers who chose to stay in this village and have limited access to the outside world.
The last time where I really roughed it out in a camping experience was probably 2 years ago when I still followed on the adventure trips. We had tents this time, pretty luxurious because the tent is built inside a shelter so doesn't matter about rain and shine but BUGS!!! Yes! Bugs!!! Horrible... I even squashed something to death below the tent. It looked like a scorpion. You can imagine the smell it gave out after being dead. For a few days? I don't know, really. I thought it would have been the lizard that I tried to chase around. Anyway, the toilet was the biggest challenge even though I do not have to dig my own hole. It's actually a modern squat toilet but with a thousand and one bugs flying inside, squatting and cold, it really took me out of my comfort zone for that. I have all the comfy for camping so that wasn't a problem at all.
One of the mornings, I woke up at 5.30am, the first to be awake. My mind was thinking. I couldn't get back to sleep and I was in major reflective thoughts. While I was reflecting and writing, there was this big stick insect that starting to crawl into the room right next to my leg. My first reaction was to kill because we spared no insects that looks like spiders. After I tried to squash it with my feet, I then realized that it wasn't a spider but a harmless stick insect. I watched it recovered from its unconsciousness and pulling itself slowly away from me with its crippled legs. I felt so bad at that moment and regretted in my rashness for not checking properly before reacting.
How many times do we often get rash over things before we checked them out properly? Like the saying goes, what's said cannot be taken back. You can apologize a thousand times but the crack has been made. Words, not always and necessarily help to mend such hurts. This was one of the greatest lesson I learnt on this trip. To not over-react and "kill" something innocent along the way. Better to be safe than sorry is not always the best option.
The last time where I really roughed it out in a camping experience was probably 2 years ago when I still followed on the adventure trips. We had tents this time, pretty luxurious because the tent is built inside a shelter so doesn't matter about rain and shine but BUGS!!! Yes! Bugs!!! Horrible... I even squashed something to death below the tent. It looked like a scorpion. You can imagine the smell it gave out after being dead. For a few days? I don't know, really. I thought it would have been the lizard that I tried to chase around. Anyway, the toilet was the biggest challenge even though I do not have to dig my own hole. It's actually a modern squat toilet but with a thousand and one bugs flying inside, squatting and cold, it really took me out of my comfort zone for that. I have all the comfy for camping so that wasn't a problem at all.
One of the mornings, I woke up at 5.30am, the first to be awake. My mind was thinking. I couldn't get back to sleep and I was in major reflective thoughts. While I was reflecting and writing, there was this big stick insect that starting to crawl into the room right next to my leg. My first reaction was to kill because we spared no insects that looks like spiders. After I tried to squash it with my feet, I then realized that it wasn't a spider but a harmless stick insect. I watched it recovered from its unconsciousness and pulling itself slowly away from me with its crippled legs. I felt so bad at that moment and regretted in my rashness for not checking properly before reacting.
How many times do we often get rash over things before we checked them out properly? Like the saying goes, what's said cannot be taken back. You can apologize a thousand times but the crack has been made. Words, not always and necessarily help to mend such hurts. This was one of the greatest lesson I learnt on this trip. To not over-react and "kill" something innocent along the way. Better to be safe than sorry is not always the best option.
Friday, August 24, 2012
The Power of Prayer! Believe!
I was reading the previous post and played the song - Be Still. I started to tear. I realised I have always posted writings here about needing His graces. Yes, this is another one about it. Because I feel that this time I really can only depend on His healing and mercy on us.
I recall last year this time, I was also preparing to go on a school trip and my health seemed to light up some issues. I kept my fingers crossed, prayed but not very hard and went on with the trip. I came back and had a positive health report though some areas requires improvement.
I haven't been well the past few days. In short, if medical report out next week shows that it is only bacteria infection, it is good news. Otherwise, it may be something else which would require further investigations. I went back to office today, discussed with a colleague and we both agree that I should inform my host partner that I may not make it to the trip this time. Just to get her prepared in case the report really doesn't turn out good.
In the midst of settling some urgent work at hand, she called. It was a timely reminder that I had to inform. I called her back a short while later as I was occupied with something urgent. She was very surprised to hear what I told her. But instead of sounding negative, she gave me encouragement and reminded me that I need to believe in God's healing. She's a Christian by the way. She reiterated that I need to keep my faith and believe in the power of prayer. We spoke about some work and before we hang up, she offered to pray for me over the phone. I was very heartened to know and accepted it. I needed it very much at this moment. While she was praying about 3/4 through, I felt as though something just took the pain away and also lifted my spirit. I felt so joyful, never before in the past few days. The gift of joy was certainly in me. I told her right away when the prayer ended and we both believe that it was the power of prayer. There is definitely no doubt about it.
She taught me a lesson. I need to continue to believe the healing power of our Lord. I just need to believe and not doubt. He will make all things beautiful again, in His time. I have been rescued by Him so many times, he will help me through this round. Let go and believe! Please keep me in your prayers.
I recall last year this time, I was also preparing to go on a school trip and my health seemed to light up some issues. I kept my fingers crossed, prayed but not very hard and went on with the trip. I came back and had a positive health report though some areas requires improvement.
I haven't been well the past few days. In short, if medical report out next week shows that it is only bacteria infection, it is good news. Otherwise, it may be something else which would require further investigations. I went back to office today, discussed with a colleague and we both agree that I should inform my host partner that I may not make it to the trip this time. Just to get her prepared in case the report really doesn't turn out good.
In the midst of settling some urgent work at hand, she called. It was a timely reminder that I had to inform. I called her back a short while later as I was occupied with something urgent. She was very surprised to hear what I told her. But instead of sounding negative, she gave me encouragement and reminded me that I need to believe in God's healing. She's a Christian by the way. She reiterated that I need to keep my faith and believe in the power of prayer. We spoke about some work and before we hang up, she offered to pray for me over the phone. I was very heartened to know and accepted it. I needed it very much at this moment. While she was praying about 3/4 through, I felt as though something just took the pain away and also lifted my spirit. I felt so joyful, never before in the past few days. The gift of joy was certainly in me. I told her right away when the prayer ended and we both believe that it was the power of prayer. There is definitely no doubt about it.
She taught me a lesson. I need to continue to believe the healing power of our Lord. I just need to believe and not doubt. He will make all things beautiful again, in His time. I have been rescued by Him so many times, he will help me through this round. Let go and believe! Please keep me in your prayers.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
My Graces Are ENOUGH For You!
It's been an adventurous weekend. So many events and one totally unexpected. And not a good one. Today's second reading was a reminder from God that I am weak but He is strong.
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Cor 12:7-10
I need to place my trust in Him and know that He will take the lead. That in His name He will provide the covering and blessings.
But he said, "What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
Luke: 18:27
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Cor 12:7-10
I need to place my trust in Him and know that He will take the lead. That in His name He will provide the covering and blessings.
But he said, "What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
Luke: 18:27
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