Reflecting the Past, Appreciating the Present

Today is Teachers' Day, the ministry has changed the celebration to every 1st Friday of September so just in case you think I've mistaken, just to clarify this point.

I'm sure many of us have been taught by numerous teachers in our academic years from Kindergarten to University. Some of them made impacts in our lives, some are just so easily forgotten.

I managed to re-connect with one of the best teachers I ever had in my Secondary School on FB about 2 years ago. I had the privileged of being taught by her for 2 years and guided under her in a school pastoral care and counselling programme later. She is often deemed as a nice and friendly teacher but also one who is firm and corrects what is wrong. I don't think many teachers past and now does that very well.

Yesterday on FB there were many teachers' day greetings. After almost 20 years from post secondary, so many of us decided to greet her 'Happy Teachers' Day'. One of her reply to us was (not in exact words) 'I am glad to see so many of you doing well now'. I had a quick thought through who my secondary school mates were and what they are doing now. Yes indeed. Many of us are really doing well. Doing well doesn't mean you have to be big wig but someone who is good in your career or family or even health.

As an educator now, I tried to relate what I do for my students vs what my teacher did for us in the past. Though my career may seemed to look good, I thought through thoroughly if I had ever made such a positive impact on my students in the past few years. The challenges and struggles in managing youths these days is probably different from my time. I guess I have, can't be completely don't have.

Some school mates shared about their various experiences with the "Famous" teachers, well known for many reasons, good and bad. Perhaps in many years to come, I could be on one of the top charts as well.

While having dinner colleagues last night, we shared on the topic of how much a terror we can be but also be able to play with those whom we worked very closely with. I am comforted to know that there are minds in the office that thinks alike. And I hope that in the years to come, if I am still in this job, I will do even better not just in my career but also creating greater postive impact on my students.

I am thankful for you who have made this impact in my life. The seeds were planted many years ago and it is sowing now. I hope I have planted the right seeds too. Happy Teachers' Day!

Grateful

Just got back from Australia, travelling to some familiar places I've been to. This trip was meant to be a chill and relax one for me, or so I thought. Trying out with new travel mates was truly an unforgettable experience. One thing that I have learnt is being grateful for the firm teachings from my father when I was growing up.

I used to dread and think why my father is so strict with my brother and I. When I was a teenager he would often reprimand or correct us on how we behave, speak and being responsible to others. Though they were tough times I am appreciative of what he wants of me now. I can proudly say I have not let him down. It is true that only family members can tolerate and allow your weaknesses at home. It is them who rather you falter at home than at outside. It would have been really embarrasing when outsiders tell you how bad your etiquettes are, fortunately I do not need to be told.

I also spent my 34th birthday in the land of down under this year. It was the coldest day on the trip and nursing a bad cold at the same time. I felt loved by the many at home. My FB wall was filled with so many greetings from so many family and friends. While I could not reply each and every of them then, I could still feel their warmth even now after so many days. When I visited a friend and her family I had a delicious cake for celebration even though it is many days after my birthday. Thank you, you know who you are.

I am grateful for the blessings these years. Thank you Father in heaven, for always looking out for me.

Challenging Times

I'm not a Saint, neither do I have a good temper. Friends of long time would know that I hold no bars in lashing out what I think is correct. Today, barely into an hour of work, I received a nasty call from this parent whose kid is not even our student and started to blast his unhappiness at me without an opportunity to defend myself. I won't divulge much here because the thought of this whole incident really makes my blood boil. In short, something happen and he thinks my students intentionally caused it.

I felt worked up at first but somehow found strength to keep myself calm. And I even tried to calm the other party down. Unusual huh? There were many things what this father said to me had so much loopholes and if I didn't really care I would have gone on exposing his statements, but I didn't.

I know who was there to help me but at the same time find it so hard to swallow this bitter pill. Why must difficult times happen when I am trying so hard to restore my relationship with God? Yes, it's nothing new. Perhaps you have also experienced the same many times. And then some self-consolation thought came to me that maybe God has some hidden intention for me. A friend left me a message on FB to ask me to treat this as a form of test. If this is a test to sharpen whatever I need, then I really hope to see the silver lining behind these dark clouds soon.

On the other hand, I kept asking myself the whole of today if being an educator is really worth it? Parents can call anytime and scold us and name-call us (I had it today). This is not the first and probably won't be the last too. Isn't educators human too? Do we deserve this treatment just because you think you paid your share of our salary? As Singaporeans becomes more educated, I wonder if we are abusing our wisdom to only achieve what we want.

In Memory...

Today marks the 10th anniversary of a dear friend who passed away due to a freak accident. How time has passed, 10 years it has been. Each year this time, many people remembers her passing. She is a great colleague, a confidante, a person who fully explains the term friend.

A few nights before she passed away, she was still sms-ing me asking for a meet up. Yes, we met indeed but was at her wake. I'll never forget her signature smile and how she genuinely treats everyone. A few weeks after her death, I dreamt that she came back to bid farewell and thanked us (for whatever the reason). I went forward to try to hug her but she could not give it back. I know then it was a sign that we all had to let her go, not in my dream but in reality. Maybe it was the sub-conscious mind that was helping me, maybe it was a message from the angels.

My friend, you will always be remembered, no matter how many more 10 years is to come. Your attitude to life and friends will always be an inspiration for me. Till someday we meet again...

Trying to learn positively

It's been almost 2 crashing months since term re-started. Projects after projects, I am feeling a bad burned out from work. well, it isn't just me, some colleagues too.

I had a quick chat with one of them today and I can't help but feel so helpless to the person. This is one good colleague that has helped me through each time I needed an extra hand, one of the few whom I can always trust and seek different perspectives with comfortably. I shared with him how this whole week some of us were frantically fire fighting and trouble shooting and a news that I'm still trying to come to term with. I kinda regretted sharing with him as it affected him so much after he heard it.

I learnt a great lesson this week. I'm not sure how many of you has a good parity system for appraisals. I thought my organisation has. I am wrong, so wrong. I am given (or so I hear from my immediate superior) a very good grading for last year. I'm not surprised and in fact, I can tell you honestly I was hoping for a promotion. A promotion would mean increase in grade and the moolah. Unfortunately, the senior management thinks that I am too young and therefore they think that I should not get my promotion this year as there are people who are probably much older than me and at the same grade and they should get theirs first. I was dumbfounded by this statement. I started to question myself if this is an organisation I should continue with. I started doubting every bit of what was said during my appraisal. I thought promotion is by the merit of my effort, apparently not in my case. I lost all interest in work, a whole pile of it awaiting for me, I lost the drive for them all.

The biggest lesson learnt here, if I should become somebody's reporting officer one day, I need to do better than what my bosses are doing now. I need to be brave and speak up for my subordinates and fight for their best interest. I need to recognise the effort these people put in regardless of their age.

Maybe I am really not ready for the next jump. And to take this whole matter positively, a lesson which I hope I do not do unto someone else, one day.

Reflections

In less than 4 hours, we will bid farewell to 2010 and usher 2011. It's been a very eventful year for me. I've "bagged" a few major events this whole year and was also given the opportunities to participate in the tri-annual corporate retreat that is meant for senior management and potential candidates. Speaks enough of how things are moving, physically.

As much as I'm being talent spotted, I also go through roller coasters of challenges. These last 3 months were most emo for me at work. It dipped to the valley and now I am still trying to walk out of the pit. I need a breakthrough from all these, desperately.

Spiritually, my report card is probably all red. This is one area which I have to work really hard and stop procrastinating.

Family and friends, if I have neglected any of you, I hope I will do better in maintaining our relationship in the new year.

With a grateful heart, I would still like to thank God for all the blessings and seeing me through all the ups and downs. May the year 2011 be a better for one and all.

Tough Times??

It was a tough day at work. Started the day with a super heavy heart and I just kept asking myself if I did the right thing. Over and over again. It is something so like the 'Angel' vs 'Devil' conversation. They can hate me and be agnry with me all they want. I really had to do what I needed to do. I'm not giving myself any consolation to feel any better. It is often not easy to the 'right things' at the right time. God, please help me through.