Heavy

Today we had the 2nd casualty for the module. The first was a head injury requiring to be warded, today was a finger dislocation.

On my way back from the hospital I was stuck in a very slow moving traffic back to school. I felt very thankful that the injury was not very serious. And then it dawned upon me that my job is quite a thankless job. I don't earn a high paying salary even when I have to undertake more risk in my work.

It's this time of the year again and I have to students overseas soon. Without fail, the trip organisers would surely go through a tug of war over various issues that were raised year after year. To them, it is the fun and excitement in the activities that they would like to offer. To me, I always have to plead them to think from the school point of view as well.

It's not because it's tougher or more demanding terrain that I don't want to do. On each trip, I have the duty of care over each of them. I can lose my job for nuts if something were to happen, but I know it will never get through my conscience that a serious or fatal accident occured due to my negligence. A few years ago, when I first took over this adventure club, the President had the cheek to even tell me that he was willing to undertake all responsibilities. I threw a question back at him, "Who are you to undertake such responsibilities? Can you ever repay somebody else's son / daughter?" In the name of tradition, they were willing to put so much at risk.

If an engineer can get a few hundred dollars by just signing on a piece of paper, why shouldn't we be treated similarly when I have duty of care over people's lives? What is the difference? When will the organisation ever see the amount of responsibilities doesn't equate with the remunerations?

Wisdom, I need. Graces even more to see me through it all. But how long more?

Hmmphh!

I had wanted to finish off some work earlier in the night but it all got disrupted after I told my dad that I bought a new LCD tv for home. We used to have one which my parents bought but was spoilt after a few years. Anyway, they often like to buy things that doesn't really last long.

And it was a good deal that I had from one of the local megastores sales. I thought it looked quite pitisome to use back the old tv and a new tv with my little bonus may show some what my little fillial and part in the family. Afterall, I can't expect my parents to be always paying for new stuffs in the house.

In the pique of anger, dad said some things which really pissed me off. I know he feels frustrated with the amount of things that were building up in the spare room. To be honest, I don't know how true if the things in there more than half are my mum's. He is quite a hoarder too, always like to bring home boxes in the namesake for us. PLEASE!!!!! I have never needed them. I know how to pack my things without those boxes.

And then he rantled at me at my clothes that usually hangs in the spare room. In my pique of anger, I packed up 6 bags of old clothes and am ready to give it all away. All because he is disgruntled that there is no space for the old tv to be kept with all the unnecessary stuffs.

As I was packing my old clothes, my thoughts drifted in and out of my mind on how this whole matters could have been resolved. The word and tone used is always the key factor in communication. A simple sentence or instruction that tells to pack up so that there is space would have been sufficient than to yell at us and make us look like worst sinners.

I often pray that for self-control because I inherited the dreaded temper of my elders. Short fuses really is so apparent in us. Being the generation that is most educated, I often tell myself that I should be more discerning on how I manage my temper. That I could make the change and difference in my generation by looking at things from different perspectives, less judgemental, listening before I speak. I guess at the end of the day, I am still human. I err and definitely will, only a matter of how serious only.

I need God's graces over the next few days to prepare for the coming of the new appliance. Communication is the crucial factor.

Dilemma

It's been so loooooooooong since I blogged. Not sure how many still surf in to read.

A lot has happened but I'm not going to put in 2 months worth of events.

Just got back from a supposed holiday and I met my boss on the first day I reported back to work. I was quite anxious to meet him initially because when I was on leave, most of my colleagues received their PB letter. Naturally I would like to know what is mine like too. Then the moment came when I met my boss outside his office, I knew what he wanted to tell me when he asked me to go in and see him.

Besides giving me feedbacks and informing me of my little reward, he told me I will be offered to be put on establishment in a few days time. I was speechless, just smile. I didn't know how to react. Really. I wasn't leaping in joy about the news. I thought the day that I would be offered would make me very happy because it is a form of recognition from the organisation that they value my effort put forth here. Honestly, I was hoping for a promotion with monetary benefit more than this offer.

I have on a few occasions asked myself if this is the place where I would put my feet deep in. There are just times when I feel so tired, so jaded. I am supposed to rejoice and be happy with this news but it's not happening. I remember feeling so appreciated when I was offered to be re-contracted more than 6 months in advance. The feeling of excitement seems to have changed.

I have yet sign the letter, I guess I will eventually as I have nothing to lose. I know I should be counting my blessings. I hope this is, truly.

我 们 这 一 班

This is one song which we used to sing in our own legion camp. We changed the lyrics to suit on our situation.

I heard it again after so long on a local tv programme recently. Certainly brings back lots of memories.

我 们 这 一 班
曾 经 你 我 有 说 不 完 的 话 题
曾 经 我 们 每 天 在 一 起

开会不 在 意 连 测手验 都 忘 记
只 有 玩 乐 最 要 紧

神师 曾 经 说 过 我 们 叽 叽 喳 喳
开会不 准 我 说 话
直 到 有 一 天 大 家 都 被骂时
才 明 白神师的 道 理


我 们 这 一 团我 们 这 一 团
开会不 专 望著天花板

我 们 这 一 团我 们 这 一 团
念经睡觉神修都一样

我 们 这 一 团我 们 这 一 团
崇 拜 偶 像 神师的话我们丢一旁
但 我 们 从 来 都 不 怕 因 为 小 时 了 了 大 未 必 佳

如 今 你 和 我 都 已 经 长 大 如 今 志 愿 不 再 嘴 边 挂

想 起 开会时的团圆和 神师那 无 忧 无 虑 的 日 子

Post Trip Thoughts

It was a good 4 days break with great company of cousins! Ok ok, I admit I thought of work a little but was just minimal. The amount of lame comments and remarks were record breaking. But it is through these brainless moments that we really laughed it all out.

Of the 4 days, 3 days we had to wake up early. Really early. The first day, our flight was at 6am, 4am we had to check-in. The 2nd day was the only day we slept in later, 3rd dat at 4.30am so that we could catch sunrise and 4th day at 5am to catch our flight back.

Food was reasonable there, big servings. Alcohol was superbly cheap. 50 cents USD for a glass of beer, USD1.50 for glass of house pour.

This is the first time most of the cousins went on a trip together, it provided a chance for all of us to know each other better on the trip. Like I didn't know those who usually looked serious have funny bones in them. Like how some behaviours are traits and characters of their own parents, they probably also saw mine in me too. Some are intolerable, mostly we can laugh over with.

I'm truly grateful to all as well for taking care good care of me during the trip. And yes, I can see that we can go for more trips together again next time.

Thank God too for helping me through all the difficult terrains and keeping me safe during the trip.

A Family Trip

After all the talks and discussions, we are finally going on the cousins' trip. 9 of us in all... wow!! That was what some of the people said when I told them. Yes, "WOW". Since many years, we have not been on holidays and in such a big group. After this post, I'll be on my way to the airport. If all goes well, it may end up as a yearly affair for us to go holiday together.

My nice break is finally here. Thank you Lord!

VERY Pissed!

I did an unthinkable thing today. It was a mistake to click 'send' on the email before checking who is my recipient. I called a colleague a 'b***h'. Rather unlike of me to do so but I was just so overwhelmed by what that person did. I'm still adamant that she deserves it, maybe a few days later I may think otherwise. For now, yes, she truly deserves it.

We had a face to face meeting later in the afternoon and I could not bother looking at her. I've never felt so pissed in this job that I would just shoot off this remark out of my mouth. Not even the worst students.

This job is really trying, testing my patience to the limit. I need to see that I have the graces to continue. I can't see now.