Dilemma

It's been so loooooooooong since I blogged. Not sure how many still surf in to read.

A lot has happened but I'm not going to put in 2 months worth of events.

Just got back from a supposed holiday and I met my boss on the first day I reported back to work. I was quite anxious to meet him initially because when I was on leave, most of my colleagues received their PB letter. Naturally I would like to know what is mine like too. Then the moment came when I met my boss outside his office, I knew what he wanted to tell me when he asked me to go in and see him.

Besides giving me feedbacks and informing me of my little reward, he told me I will be offered to be put on establishment in a few days time. I was speechless, just smile. I didn't know how to react. Really. I wasn't leaping in joy about the news. I thought the day that I would be offered would make me very happy because it is a form of recognition from the organisation that they value my effort put forth here. Honestly, I was hoping for a promotion with monetary benefit more than this offer.

I have on a few occasions asked myself if this is the place where I would put my feet deep in. There are just times when I feel so tired, so jaded. I am supposed to rejoice and be happy with this news but it's not happening. I remember feeling so appreciated when I was offered to be re-contracted more than 6 months in advance. The feeling of excitement seems to have changed.

I have yet sign the letter, I guess I will eventually as I have nothing to lose. I know I should be counting my blessings. I hope this is, truly.