Progressing

Last night, I managed to turn my body and legs without causing any hurt to my wounds. YES!! Today, after the bandages were removed, I could slowly start walking without my crutches. Mainly at office room and at home. YES!!!! Still, I won't be pushing myself too hard. Will do my best in recovery.

One thing I'm puzzled about. I felt the static level in body increased tremendously today back at my working desk. It was like anytime a electric shock. I had a static shock in the car today. Gave my knee a sudden jerk and sudden shock with pain. Scary.

Starting physio soon... erm, as soon as I can start driving...

The Feel

Since my op, I have been moving in and out of my house, going to places. And I must say that I have the privileges of being a "handicap" and also a fair share of being stared at for my temporary disability.

A day after my op, it was birthday cum farewell chalet for a few friends. Since weeks ago, emails have been sent out inviting me to attend. Then I already knew that I probably would not be able to but the host left the invitation open. The resort security made a thoughtful move to fetch me on a buggy to the unit so that I do not need to walk too much. It's not a long distance if I was able to walk normally. It was a privileged ride :D

Then yesterday, there were 2 sent offs for the same friends going away. I chose the 2nd one as they are a few hours apart and I was very sure my dad would not agree to let me out that early. It was not a long walk but it took like forever for me to cover that short distance. I was quite touched at the point when I had to go to the toilet, the cleaner aunty saw me inching to the handicap toilet, she immediately came forward to help me open the toilet door. That was a service which I never had experienced at the airport before. Now you probably can guess why we are the No. 1.

And then a friend and I moved on to a dinner meet-up. The restaurant was double storey and they were nice to allow me to go by the short cut at the side door. I was touched by their gesture. And it was also at the mall that I see the typical Singaporean how they behave towards people who are handicapped. As I was walking to the toilet, the corridor leading to it was quite in, I stucked to one side of the walkway giving way to people who also needs to go to restrooms. Ok, I stucked to wrong side. Cos when I was walking in slowly, some people are just insensitive enough to take extra steps to avoid me. They chose to head on with me. Fine. When I was walking towards the restaurant, the cleaner aunty plus her trolley head-on also at me. I actually stopped to see where she wants to go. Then only she stopped. It was a small space that was around me. It was spacious enough for her to avoid me. And then, this teenager who is just so engrossed in whatever he was holding in his hand, almost bumped into me.

The best part. When I entered into the restaurant via the side door, 1 table of diners stared at me. Like they have never seen a person walking on crutches, like why I could enter via that side door.

Well, in all I won't say Singaporeans are insensitive. I had nice neighbours who gave way to me. The nice and thoughtful aunty at the airport and those I've met at the medical centre. I guess I'm just fortunate to have met nicer thinking and considerate people. I can't say anything as a whole yet, will still need time to discover.

I did it!

Finally! It's over. Not the end but the beginning. Beginning of rehab and hopefully a new leg.

My surgery time changed twice. First it was set as 9am, then changed to 11am then the day before I was asked to adjuct it to 7.30am. I got to the hospital at about 6am. Admitted and did a whole lot of admin. Then as soon as I got up to the Day Surgery Centre, I had to change to my surgery robe and almost immediately I was wheeled to the OT.

Those of you who have encountered or have loved ones who have gone through surgery would probably know that different people would come and ask you the same set of questions over and over again. I was asked at least 4 times including my surgeon.

Since young, I have grown with the phobia of needles. I requested from the nurse that I would like to be poked with the IV drip after anaesthesia took place. Then the anaesthetist came and told me one whole story how long it would take me to be knocked out and the smell and stuffs. Just trying to convince me to do IV drip way as the effect of anaesthesia would be faster.

I got in to the OT and the next thing he was preparing to insert the IV needle. Like any doctors, he talked to me and diverted my attention onto some topics. And I felt a small ant bite sensation, he told me its done. I was quite impressed. Being one of the most terrifying moments, I felt a lot relieved. Yeah, strangely, it wasn't the surgery.

My surgeon came late. 15 mins. And I was trying to sturggle to keep myself awake. Not because the medicine was taking effect but because I had nightmares and couldn't sleep well the night before. Too much anxieties I guess. So you would have figured out that it wasn't too difficult to knock me out after the anaesthesia was injected into my hand. I only heard the anaesthetist say "It will take effect in 10secs" and then I started to feel drowsy naturally, and he said again "Try to keep your eyes open". I tried to open but soon I just succumbed to the effect of the drug.

I remember falling into deep sleep with some dreams. Then very soon, I was awoken and I was told it's done. Over. I could still reply the people there "It's done?". After a while they wheeled me back to the recovery ward.

Dad came to hospital with me and he went to Mass at the chapel downstairs. Went to meet a nun and came up with her. It was nice to see the Sister. I guess because of her presence, I felt very relieved and appreciating God's love. I chose Mt A anyway.

Then the anaesthesia was still in effect but since they woke me up, I was drifting in and out of sleep. I took my phone from dad and started to sms friends who have been praying for me.

I gave thanks to God when I was in the recovery ward that I had survived through the operation. Though it may have been a small surgery but because GA was given, anything could have happened. I was thankful He saw me through it all even till now.

God is good, all the time. A friend was saying that since now that I am MC, it's probably His plan to put me back into perspectives of my relationship with Him. And certainly, God always puts such events in my life, in His time.

It was all worth it

This weekend is the annual Inter-Polytechnic and ITE Games for Archery. Before this weekend, I honestly didn't think that we retain the Championship Trophies as there has been some lagging in training for a while.

After the end of yesterday's shoot, we only knew about the first 2 events, 4 other events results were unknown. The host would send the results by night so that we can inform our competitors. And I waited... waited... after coming home from another school event and feeling a little feverish plus exhaustion. I fell asleep after pre-empting my President that we may not have the results till this morning.

I didn't had a good sleep. I dreamt that the results were in and I had to check it. My laptop was left on. Then at about 2.30am, I just woke myself from that and decided to check my mail box. When I saw the results, I was very surprised to see my poly ranking and the no. of gold medals we were leading by. Waking up and sending the results out was definitely worth it.

I was in such ecstasy spirit that I couldn't go back to sleep even though I forced myself to, tossing and turning on the bed.

Today, we reign again by showing the rest we truly deserve the title. Well done team. I am so proud of you!

Re-Start

I finally hit the pool again after more than one month of busy-ness. Felt so nuah and engine definitely having problem while starting up. Every stroke was not as easy as it used to be. Co-ordination between hands and legs was so clumsy. Muscles felt so stiff. I ended the session with a brewing headache.

Maybe I was too anxious and ambitious in getting back to regime. At one point of time, I was just pulling and kicking water for the sake of moving on and completing the lap. Of course, there were also a few good laps where everything just worked out well. I thought 20 laps was possible but only managed to do 16, and it was a struggle.

Somewhat my experience today seems akin to my life now. Every pull and kick is just to keep my body moving forward. And it is when I suddenly realise that I am losing focus and concentration, I began to try and re-start with proper strokes. A little of fumbling but after a short while, I can put things under control and all goes on again like normal.

I'm hoping to swim again in 2 days time and do better then. My life too.

Thoughts...

This week is just staying home, catching up on some errands and the last few days of it to Malacca for a short break. Had actually planned to be climbing in Taiwan now but with my knee condition and added heel tendons issues, it's a no go.

It feels great to be at home after so many days which I'm away from in September. I dreaded that month, wasn't looking forward to it and now, it is over. After this break, there is another month to dread - November.

The coming of November spells different challenges for me. 1. Surgery 2. Work (part 2).

I'm so not wanting to start school so soon cos when it does, I have 2 weeks to clear all the unenrolled students and then, THE day will come. Maybe because I have heard too many stories of how knee surgeries fail. As much as I am not keen, I don't think I have a choice. In normal times my knee easily swells already. I am apprehensive of the outcome.

And work is not helping with most of my competitions scheduled to take place in November. I will have to hobble around from place to place. And to add, I got to host one of them. I trust that God will grant me the graces when the time comes. He sure knows how big is my plate and how much to put on it.

One step at a time, I need to face the biggest fear first. Praying hard that the rest will fall into place when the time comes.

'Sorry' - seems to be the hardest word

Not a song but a reality that have learnt before and seen for myself today. I have come to appreciate the fact that saying 'sorry' is a valuable lesson that not many people can master well. Apologising to some people could even feel like taking a piece of flesh out from them.

Today, I saw for myself how a very prideful and ego student got bruised by the need to do this. He is often the one who knows when to behave, when to play kind. By a mistake, a critical one, that he made, unveiled a different side of him. Well, he did eventually offered apologies at the end, not discounting that fact.

I'm sure most of us (those who are adults) surely have our teenage struggles. Creating an identity for ourselves was probably one that most to cope with. To want to be whom we are not, and so many other situations. All these that may seemed small but has somewhat molded us to become what we are today, by our beliefs and attitudes. For this student, being able to humble himself to say sorry was THE challenge. I wish all the best and look forward to a better him.