Bruised

This has been a whole week of training for me. Not a good time actually but not much of choice due to the various window time frame.

Yesterday morning while I was driving along a highway to my training site, the sun, my shades and the music in my car gave such a refreshing and hopeful feel. I was playing At The Cross by Hillsong. Suddenly I just felt that the morning was so good, so hopeful. That no matter how hard the day may be, I know the Lord will be walking with me. I was tempted to capture down that moment but I was alone in the car and I can't stop by the road. For safety sake I missed putting that moment in a photo frame.

Today, was the last day of training and it was held in school. Somehow, attending in school is always more distracting. I just somewhat couldn't focus on the training contents. My heart and mind was thinking about what work needs to be done and finished this week. So when it came to my turn to practice my facilitation skills, I felt so unprepared. Partially my fault for not putting in enough effort and understanding. And I just carried out the task, moving it through motion, without using my brains much. At the debrief, I was critiqued and yes, comments didn't come nice. I didn't explain nor defended myself but just nodded to show signs of acceptance. Inside me, I was angry. Angry with myself but I figured maybe I should just remain silent. Not life and death, only a matter if you could swallow what was being said and allow my ego to be bruised. Those who know me well, they would probably be expecting that I would want to "fight back" but today I just let it go. This afternoon I felt that I lost an opportunity to showcase what I can do. Now thinking back, it wasn't a bad thing. The least I showed to the newbies that as a senior, I am able to take and handle criticisms. How many senior employees in any organisation can do that? Humility.

Of course this is a painful lesson. One that would leave deep impression for a long time. There's always an opportunity to show what I can do. In His time, I know He will lead me to do it well.

"You tore the veil, You made a way! When you said that is done." At the Cross, Hillsong.