Reflections

In less than 4 hours, we will bid farewell to 2010 and usher 2011. It's been a very eventful year for me. I've "bagged" a few major events this whole year and was also given the opportunities to participate in the tri-annual corporate retreat that is meant for senior management and potential candidates. Speaks enough of how things are moving, physically.

As much as I'm being talent spotted, I also go through roller coasters of challenges. These last 3 months were most emo for me at work. It dipped to the valley and now I am still trying to walk out of the pit. I need a breakthrough from all these, desperately.

Spiritually, my report card is probably all red. This is one area which I have to work really hard and stop procrastinating.

Family and friends, if I have neglected any of you, I hope I will do better in maintaining our relationship in the new year.

With a grateful heart, I would still like to thank God for all the blessings and seeing me through all the ups and downs. May the year 2011 be a better for one and all.

Tough Times??

It was a tough day at work. Started the day with a super heavy heart and I just kept asking myself if I did the right thing. Over and over again. It is something so like the 'Angel' vs 'Devil' conversation. They can hate me and be agnry with me all they want. I really had to do what I needed to do. I'm not giving myself any consolation to feel any better. It is often not easy to the 'right things' at the right time. God, please help me through.

No Regrets!

It's been a year... since I had my knee op. Time flies indeed and I'm still not fully recovered. Maybe about 70% there?!?! 1 year on and I count myself with lots of blessings. It isn't a pain free journey after op but surely I can see the goodness in having it. There were doubts but I would say with confidence now, "No Regrets!"

I made a heart wrenching decision today. It was a tug-of-war with so much emotions attached. But I know what I'm doing is right. Perhaps there will be many people who will be mocking at me very soon, especially colleagues who are waiting to see me fall. Like my previous post, I say again. I rather be admitting my mistakes than to cover it up and pretend nothing happened. As an educator, being honest and having integrity at work are the few important factors. Like the saying goes, trust can be lost in seconds but it takes years to build it.

I'm grateful to my coach for supporting my decision. As he says, he would have loved to see the team win but winning is not everything. I believe this is the biggest lesson I can ever teach my students in such pressed situation how to live to be an honest person.

Conscience Free

Work of late has been very challenging. Some colleagues thinks well of me and have been encouraging. And there are also mostly those who can't get what they want and think I resort to high handed means or sucking up to bosses.

I am conscience free. I do wrong and I apologise. I put in my every bit of effort to do my work conscientiously. I do not FB as much as these who calls me by ugly names as often. Working beyond my call of duty is so that I give what my students deserves in return.

I do not think by submitting to my students and "fighting for their benefit" would win them favours and appears as "nice". By being firm in what I believe is not sucking to my bosses to make them happy. How do they know that I do not counter my thoughts with bosses?

You can me all kinds of names. I don't give a damn because I know what I have achieved today is by my own effort. I do what is right, not to please my superiors, but what I would think is best for the organisation. If you can't beat me in performing better, wouldn't you think you should reflect on yourself than to make me sound shallow?

At the end of the day, I know who I am answerable to. He knows what I have done and I only need to answer to Him.

The Blind Leading The "Blinds"

I had a very interesting activity today as part of a project I'm involved in. I could not see totally, pitched dark to be precise and had to feel my way using different senses. I'm not suppose to reveal much because that would give away what is in the journey. If you want to have a try, contact me. To sum it up, the life of a visually handicapped in one hour.

It dawned upon many things after the experience. During the walk, I could only settle my anxieties after almost half the journey. So much anticipation till I was so noisy and making a lot of comments.

I thought it was pretty easy to just feel the way but at some points, we had to follow the voice of our guide, which is visual handicapped in reality. Following the voice was really tricky especially as she starts walking away. But when we are lost or slow and call out to the guide, she would stop and wait for us. I find this very similar to how I or most people of the same faith as me reacts. Very often I needed to hear the Lord speak so clear to me to know what he wants from me, to follow Him. And when I am stranded behind He would always be there to wait for me to catch up. The guide like God would never leave anyone behind.

Most of us would also have encountered doing night walks in secondary school camps and got frightened by our seniors or friends. This fear is also common among many people and therefore before entering into the darkness, we were assured that no tricks would be played on us or make us feel insects or animals. I guess too much of Fear Factor shows. We had to trust what the guide says and do exactly to be safe. Akin to God, He always tells us that we need to trust in Him that He will provide and lead us through all our challenges. But this is only if we BELIEVE totally in this. I know even fervent Christians/Catholics sometimes would lose that trust. I used to entrust in Him so much and let Him run the show. I have drifted away so much that I would only turn to Him when I know only divine intervention can help. I need to find back this relationship of trust with Him again. I really need it especially with so much pouring down on me these days.

This journey in the dark has kind of given me a wake up call. That I need to open my ears to him everyday as if I am walking in the "dark". That only with His light that shines can lead me through the journey with faith by following what He says.

I need to work harder in this area.

Friend?

When we get too task oriented, we often would neglect the softer touch of the human side.

A friend asked me help for an event through my company's facility. Honestly, I treat the request as an official request and considered it partly because of friendship. And came one request after another. I know I have not gotten back to you for reply because I was busy with work and it takes time to seek for approvals. Yesterday, in the midst of my meeting, I received a sms that the last request is not needed anymore because an alternative ground have been gotten. I am pissed!! For me, if I have asked help from somebody, whether chance is slim or hopeful, I would check on the status again to get an official answer of 'yes' or 'no'. People could have worked on your request but you didn't know. And actually, I have gotten a verbal approval but just not in writings yet.

Maybe I am over-reacting but I do feel very played out. I'm your friend. The least you could have done was to check with me like how you did previously. I felt so taken for granted. All you gave your reason was not to put me in a difficult spot. Hello?!?! After a week plus from your official request you did this to me? Thanks for that consideration for me but if you had really put your thoughts for me, you would not have done this. I'm disappointed.

Say I'm petty or insensitive to your stressed situation now, the least I did when I asked of you for help, I would always check back with you first until u tell me you cannot do then I look for others for help. How do you know I'm not grappling with stress on my end too?

Humility

I learnt a great lesson today. Never insinuate that your subordinates made a wrong choice in what you think is not good in front of any students. Just because you think you have some similar portfolios before and you can put me down in your arrogant thinking. And by the way, branded stuffs doesn't mean that they are really good.