In the end...

It wasn't a muscular problem, a cartilage instead. My cartilage got injured, like scratched and injured. And that is the part that is causing the pain. 4 weeks to next review and I'm on medication to see if it can help in improving the condition or else, surgery.

Scanned

The films are with me but I'm somewhat not keen to see it before tomorrow. I'm somewhat fearful to know the truth tomorrow as well.

I received this sms bible passage today. "To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see." Heb 11:1

I need to remian in faith with Him to face the truth. I know I need to let go and let Him take over now but I'm struggling to let go.

Still Waiting

Diagnosis is partially done and he mentioned what my physios said... "It's an unusual injury. Do a MRI and we'll talk further from there."

Tomorrow is the scan, seeing him again on Wednesday.

Passion

Have you ever watched the movie Ladder 49? If you haven't, go rent it. It says everything about being passionate for things you like to do. It is a movie that talks about fireman's job. Fireman isn't just putting out fires. There are also search and rescue and other roles.

Passion can be a job, hobby, topic, sports or even food!

There are some things in my life that I'm passionate about. I enjoy the outdoors, I don't mind being dirty when I'm camping. I can tolerate with minimal hygiene in those conditions but not when you put me back in proper urban settings. Maybe it's just natural for people to react this way? I enjoy photography and videography. The process of editing is tiring and exhaustive but the end result gives me a good sense of satisfaction. Of recent years, I learn to appreciate red wine especially with friends who shares the same interest. And these are just a few to mention.

In the process of being passionate over these things, I have sacrifice time and money, at times putting my life at risk as well but I am happy doing them.

Many years ago, I chose to quit Outdoor Education work because I was so afraid that by doing it so much it would kill my passion. Somehow I landed myself still doing parts of it now. I can't say for sure that I am doing it purely because I am passionate. Partially would better describe it. In any case, I see a different perspective of Outdoor Education now and a different belief for it too.

I have seen a lot of people who claimed to love the outdoors and decides to come into this field of work. Is that really true? Or is it because people think that this field offers them a pot of gold, literally?

Jack (character in Ladder 49) decides to move on from his work as a fireman putting out fires to do search and rescue. He knew the risks involved in the job. He saw how his good friend died on a mission. He still chose to do it. His extra remuneration wasn't that a great deal afterall.

When you can't get as much of the monetary returns to satisfy your wants, would you still remain passionate about what you think it's your passion?

Jack didn't let this bother him. What about you?

Distracted by pain

In a dilemma. I'm dreading what Monday will tell me but yet at the same time also waiting for an answer to my pain. I want so much to get my knee cured/healed but at the same time knowing that some sacrifices or inconveniences to me and others will happen. There's no perfect solution.

There are just instances when I tell myself that perhaps it's just the usual pain and it'll get by. And then when I try to "test" my condition, I can feel that I am in a bad shape. Maybe really physio will just do? I can't wait for the MRI Scan to be done. I need an answer to what is going on.

And I am reminded often again that I should leave this in His hands, even if I know I can be in control.

Leader

It's a sign, isn't it? That I'm blogging further days apart from each other. Busy. Really.

My life has been overwhelmed with so much emotions over these 2 weeks. Farewells, weddings, back stabbings... and in these different situations, I'm a leader or a participant. Leadership role was given and also assumed when the time arises.

I saw it so clearly when others are leaders and how I follow or am being treated as their followers. I enjoyed my journey with some but also dreaded a few. These instances teaches me a lot. I mean it. Especially when I'm always seen as a leader in front of my students. How I behave, talk and think influences them in return.

I was in a situation the other day and I'm not inspired by that style of leadership. It was not tyrannical, it was worse. People who do not get to exercise their authority and when they do, it looked so ugly. I told myself that I really would not want to be that kind of leader. No matter what.

I need His divine wisdom to guide me as a good leader. To inspire than to dreaded upon.

Unlearn to Re-Learn

Wah, it's been such a long time since I have updated my blog. Nothing much has happened. Been pia-ing to meet different datelines.

The last 3 days were one of the most meaningful times I spent at work since I started. It is also an awakening call of my workload in the next 2 years.

I had been most privileged to been able to work with 2 great teachers, 1 which I have always been working with, another an inspiring mountaineer. I learnt a new saying - Learn and Relearn.

My past belief would have made me do the first part. Now I see a different perspective from the second part. My first lesson that teaches me to achieve this is being able to manage our achievements. Only with humility then can we accept new teachings/perspectives, getting us to unlearn to re-learn.